The Vikings Were Here - Ancient Graffiti Artists

I’m sure we’re all guilty of vandalism. Who hasn’t scratched their name on a tree, park bench or brick wall? For some reason we have this primordial impulse to mark our territory and tell the rest of the world who we are. This is my name, I’ve been here, I’ve done this, I am this.

Turns out, vandalism isn’t unique to the 21st Century. People have been writing on brick walls since the invention of brick walls, and some of their messages are pretty darn hilarious. So, for your enjoyment, 5 Ancient Graffitis, messages to you from your ancestors.

#1 - “We have wet the bed. I admit, we were wrong, my host. You ask ‘why’? There was no chamberpot.”

This was found on a hotel in Pompeii. Seems like a couple of people found themselves in a pretty awkward place. Can’t you just see them running around during the night, searching in vain for the bathroom?

#2 - “These runes were carved by the man most skilled in runes in the western ocean.”

In the winter of 1153, a group of Vikings were caught in a storm and took shelter inside a Scottish tomb. While they waited for the weather to clear up, they took the opportunity to scratch names and messages on the walls.

One guy decided to show off and wrote the above quote in two rare styles of Runic. I wonder if his companions could read it? if not, it’s sort of like an inside joke between us and the Viking author.

#3 - “Be bold, my boys; the great god [Hermes] will grant you to have a beautiful crown of manifold virtue.”

This was found in a 1,700-year-old Egyptian school, and was written by a teacher to encourage his students. I guess it’s the ancient equivalent of “reach for the stars." One can only imagine the boys rolling their eyes.

#4 - “Successus, a weaver, loves the innkeeper’s slave girl named Iris. She, however, does not love him. Still, he begs her to have pity on him. His rival wrote this. Goodbye.”

“Envious one, why do you get in the way? Submit to the handsomer man who is being treated very wrongly and good looking.”

“I have spoken. I have written all there is to say. You love Iris, but she does not love you.”

Yet another intriguing message from the walls of Pompeii. This time we have two authors, responding to each other like users in a fight over YouTube comments.

I don’t know what amuses me more, the smart-aleck ‘Goodbye’ at the end of the first message, or Successus' claim is that he is handsomest. Either way, Iris has a hard decision ahead.

#5 - “We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.”

This one is probably my favorite. In a city like Pompeii, full of disgusting graffiti, it’s refreshing to see something warm and friendly. I just hope Gaius and Aulus escaped when Mt. Vesuvius went off.

Even before written language was invented, people still found ways to express their…
umm… unsavory sense of humor. Check out this cave painting.